I talk to myself a lot too! LOL, I’m not crazy… I just want to make sure I am being completely honest with myself in all situations.  When I say I am content, I mean it!  The reason I know is because I ask myself often and I see clear examples in my behavior.  I compare the way I react currently in certain situations to the way I’ve reacted in the past.  A part of it is becoming more mature, but it’s also got a lot to do with how I’ve learned to accept where life has brought me.

It’s completely possible to lie to yourself, especially when you are “in your feelings” so I make SURE that I am what I say I am!

I see people on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram post about how happy they are in their single life. Then they turn around and are super sad and unsupportive of people who speak often of how happy they are in their relationships.  What’s up with that!?!

It’s ok to be sad or unhappy with where you are in your life!  Everything is not going to be “smooth sailing” all of the time, and that’s ok!!! 

Now, I can speak on this because IT WAS ME!! I was trying my best to accept my life for what it was, but then I’d get upset when I saw people who had what I REALLY wanted.  It’s a hard thing to be happy for someone who has what you are so eager to have as well…  It takes strength, faith, contentment, optimism and much more to be happy for others.  But what I’ve found is that what’s for others isn’t necessarily for me! THAT was a hard pill to swallow, but once I got it down I was able to be truly happy with the deck of cards I was dealt and I’m learning to play with what I’ve got! And I’m happy with it! FINALLY!

My point for this post is to make people think… Whether you are single or married, successful or still working your way up BE HONEST with yourself and others.  You never know, letting your true feelings show may build a new relationship or open doors you never knew were there!

Who do you live for?  I ask myself this question often.  NO I am not perfect and YES I have setbacks and bad days and disappointing times… but I’m honest about those times so that I can grow from them.  I want to be better today than I was yesterday and even better tomorrow, but in order for that to happen I must be honest with myself.

There’s nothing wrong with faking it til you make it as long as the person you are trying to fool isn’t yourself!  Just try it… After you pray and before you go to sleep ask yourself some questions and be honest! You just might be surprised with your answers.

Table for One please… Continually growing… Love me or leave me alone…

BACK TO HAPPY TIP: Find out WHO YOU ARE before trying to make improvements to yourself… You might be just fine with the person you already are!

Have you ever had one? I almost had one the other night.  I ran across some old pictures and decided to look through them. I normally don’t do this because I know they will take me back to a time when I was Dangerously in Love and I just don’t need to go back there.  But I looked anyway…

I ran across a beautiful picture of me and my ex, we looked so happy… we were at my cousin’s 30^th birthday party dancing.  I looked at the picture for a second (which was way too long in my opinion). It was a candid shot, so neither one of us was looking at the camera.  The photo seemed to tell the whole story of what our relationship embodied.  Joy, love, fun, passion, friendship, all of that and more…  It kind of upset me to know that I felt all of this emotion from looking at this picture for literally one second.  So after my glance I tossed in the trash because all that the picture represented is gone and will never be back. 

I feel that the past is just that and should be left there.  I guess I’m not strong enough to face it.  Even though it was long ago I still can see the scars that the scabs left after they healed.  You know what I mean?  The pain I felt from my break up is no longer there, but I can still see the scars that were left behind and I DO NOT want to re-live that time… EVER with ANYONE! So, I just move forward and I never plan to look back.

“I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past.” Thomas Jefferson

I am so hopeful for my future that I’ve made it a point to leave my past where it is.  I have never been a “break up and get back together” kind of girl, when something in my life is over I never look back.  I don’t know if this is a defense mechanism or great willpower.  But I’ve been like this since I was a child…

If I asked my parents for something and they said no then that was the end of the conversation.  I am not a beggar…I am not a risk taker…I am not a second try girl.  I just feel that everything happens when it does and how it does for a purpose.  If it was for me then I would have gotten it. So everything that’s in my past (if up to me) will remain there.  I will not brush the dust off of anything in my past because I’m too eager for my future to look back!

Setbacks… We can either allow them to have power or toss them in the trash.  I almost had one the other day and I’m grateful for my strength.  When you have something to look forward to, old stuff has no validity and although I will never forget that time in my life it’s over!  I am grateful for the good times… the bad times… the experience… but life goes on.

 Table for One please… Looking forward NOT back… Love me or leave me alone!

BACK TO HAPPY TIP: Memories should always make you smile… If they don’t, leave them where they belong… THE PAST!  

I love God.  Now, I don’t normally go all super religious but how can I talk about love and not mention the One who loved me so much He sacrificed His only Son?!?  I mean, I am who I am, have the blessings, talents and sanity I have because of who He is!  My strength, joy, faith, LIFE comes from God.  I am truly blessed with many gifts and he continually blesses me!  I love God.  Sacrificial LOVE.

I love my family.  I am talking about the people you are stuck with…LOL!  The people who you couldn’t get rid of if you tried.  Family is who I am.  I’ve inherited good AND bad habits, learned the true meaning of patience, and experienced an obscene amount of joy.  I mean family that’s there to pick me up when I fall and family who knows that they can reach for me to catch them when they fall…Beautiful, strong, kind, hard-working, responsible, and thick as thieves!  My family is irreplaceable.  I love my family.  Unconditional LOVE.

I love my friends.  I’m so fortunate because they say you are blessed if you can say you have 1 friend, well I’m positive I have more than that.  These are people who choose to be in my life and love me despite ALL of my flaws, just as much as I love them.  People, who don’t want anything from me, but give me the world without even knowing it!  I’ve learned so much from my friends, my real friends, not just the ones who get a birthday text, but the ones who have to suffer through my famous (terrible, awful) birthday song.  The ones who will tell me I look fat in a dress, just as fast as they’ll tell me how cute my butt looks in my favorite jeans.  I love them.  Chosen LOVE.

I love LOVE!  I just do!  There’s no other way to put it.  I saw a necklace in a store a couple weeks ago and I was drawn to it.  It was simply a gold chain with the word “love” hinged to its center.  Simply, love.  I wanted to get it so badly; I ranted and raved about this “love” necklace the entire time my friends and I were in the store.  But the more and more I thought about it, the more I realized I didn’t need it.

Yes, I love love.  So much so, that it’s my favorite word; however, I don’t need to wear it on my chest any more than I need to wear a t-shirt that says some flattering adjective like, “sexy” or “beautiful” or “smart”… If I embody these words, why do I need to display them across my chest?  I don’t.

I am love.

I have love.

I give love.

I receive love.

I am love.

But if you notice, one form of love is missing…but it doesn’t mean I am any less loved, less of a person, less happy.  It took me a while to get here, but I finally am.  I love myself and I need that more than anything!  What’s missing will come.  Romantic LOVE.

For now, the loves I DO HAVE are more than enough.  LOVE.

Table for One please… Learning to appreciate the current loves of my life… Love me or leave me alone…

BACK TO HAPPY TIP: Love yourself FIRST!

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that Evelyn deserves any of the things that have happened to her, I am not an “I told you so” type of person, we all need some improvement, however it’s definitely made me think about my actions and where I am in my life! I posted a status jokingly on Facebook the other night as I watched the show:

I need Iyanla’s phone number! I want her to be my accountability partner! My life could use some fixin’…

My Facebook friends had a little fun with me after this was posted and although I was joking slightly, I really wouldn’t mind speaking to this wise woman.  I feel that I can identify with her because she too is an open book.  It’s much easier to have conversations with people about your pain, if you know that they too have experienced some pain.  I don’t plan on taking any steps back into what once was my sad, dissatisfied life, but as I move forward I want to make sure I understand my past actions in relationships so that they won’t affect my future experiences.

It’s no secret that I want the dream… a husband, children, maybe a dog and to live happily ever after…  But my wanting these things doesn’t make me desperate for them! What I mean by this is that I know that I am a woman of worth, of value and would be an asset to my partner’s life.  With that being said, I need them to be the same for me.  Evelyn stated that she just wants to feel loved and wanted and even though she knew the situations she entered in the past weren’t the best ones, she continued to move forward. This is something I will NEVER do!

Mistakes are all about recovery, when these mistakes become the norm or a pattern then there is definitely something that needs to be addressed.  I’ve had to ask myself some questions about my last few dating situations as I have found a pattern in my behavior.  I think that there’s a sense of fear in myself, just as there is with Evelyn.  Now this fear doesn’t come from me not having a father because he is VERY much a part of my life so what is it?

This is why I would love to have conversations with Iyanla because she doesn’t care about hurting your feelings… She breaks you all the way down so that you can build YOURSELF up! How awesome is that!?! Her show is easily one of my new favorites! I believe that writing has helped me face some of the troubles in my life but I still take it easy on myself.  I need someone to help me “go there” get down to the nitty gritty about certain patterns in my behavior. Having an accountability partner is an awesome idea, in every aspect of your life!

I am blessed, in that I have a few, I am going to challenge myself to take a look at my past behavior and make improvements.  I am NO LONGER a complete mess… LOL but the thing that I absolutely love about myself is that I know that I am not perfect.  I also know that I never will be!  I am all about making the best of my flaws and I look forward to the day that someone trusts me enough to show me the best of theirs.

Table for One please… Embracing it all… Love me or leave me alone

BACK TO HAPPY TIP: Hold yourself accountable for your actions.  Sometimes a change in behavior is needed.  Happiness with yourself will affect the way others treat you.

 

 

Fear of being hurt, fear of failure and the biggest one of all, fear of being alone!  To be honest with you, I’m afraid of trusting a situation enough to just “jump”… Be it a relationship, a new business venture, or everyday decisions.  This fear is most definitely holding me back!  But I refuse to let it take control.

This fear has, in fact, become my motivation…my reason to press on, move forward, and take a chance!  And if I fall, I fall.  I’ve talked about this before, but I think I’m able to face it all with a different point of view now.

What happens when you are too afraid to do something?  Lately, I’ve learned to ask myself where the fear comes from… Am I afraid of failure or that I may actually SUCCEED?  Success is scary… It comes with responsibility… expectations…

I believe fear is our mind’s way of making us think and evaluate our strength.  Either you will fight for what you want or you will give in to the fear.  Now, let’s not confuse our instincts telling us the difference between making a good or bad decision with fear.

The kind of fear I am speaking of is an emotion, a physical reaction prior to a certain expected occurrence.  And at this point, you have to make the decision to FIGHT or FLEE!

A few weeks ago a very close family member was going through a situation in her career in which she had no control.  She was not fearful; I was, very much so, but she wasn’t!  The situation ended up working out in her favor, which is awesome!  I learned so much from her as she “stood still”… Being fearless, actually worked in her favor and has inspired me immensely and my daily actions.

I am not Superwoman, but I do face my fears often and I have chosen to fight because fear could stop me from being great!  I want to be great!  I will be great and I will not let fear suppress the person I am destined to be!

Be it saying yes to a date, taking on a special project at work, learning a new skill or whatever, I will have control over my life!  This life is all about the decisions we make and living in fear is not only crippling, it’s detrimental!

I am looking my fear square in the eye! Hello fear…

When it comes to dating, I have found that most men appreciate the fact that I am “girlie”! The men I attract like to see me dressed up and womanly in my skirts and heels! And I take FULL advantage! 

I am definitely not the “I am woman, hear me roar!” type of woman though. I like to feel taken care of…gas pumped, tires changed, car washed, boxes lifted, and all of that good stuff. I did have an independent woman moment a few months ago when I put windshield wiper fluid in my car though! LOL! But seriously, I am no “damsel in distress”, however; I do love to feel like a woman!

I mostly take pride in the fact that I am a black woman! I often joke with my bestie that I am a regular black chick…Not dark or light, fat or skinny, nothing to make a huge fuss over…I’m just a regular cute black woman! My mother; now, she’s a show stopper and always has been. 

Please don’t take my description of myself for something that it’s not! I love myself… I love my BLACK! My BLACK…Now, that’s beautiful!!

”There is a kind of strength that is almost frightening in black women. It’s as if a steel rod runs right through the head down to the feet.” – Maya Angelou

I’m so grateful that my strength, the strength that inevitably comes from being raised by strong black women, does not compromise my womanly nature! But we all have weak moments, moments when we have to lean on others for strength…friends, family, and sometimes strangers! I know I use the actions of others as examples, not that I’m looking to “copy” them, but I want to gain from their strengths and learn from their mistakes. 

I found that lately, people value my opinion. My presence, words, thoughts, and “being” is appreciated and that is a wonderful feeling! I often question my worth, my value, my purpose and I think I’m finally learning what that is…being a black woman and knowing the responsibility that comes along with it, makes me all the more special!

I’m so grateful to be a black woman; I wouldn’t have it any other way. Kissed by the sun, hips hugged by the lingering consumption of soul food, and smiles so contagious that everyone around me follows suit! I love my black; my black is strong, my black is beyond comparison, and undeniably, my black is ME!

Being a woman is wonderful, but being a BLACK WOMAN is an honor and privilege… Now, that’s beautiful!

Table for One please…So grateful… Love me or leave me alone…

BACK TO HAPPY TIP:  It’s okay to toot your own horn, every once in a while! Someone’s gotta do it!